party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
