i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
