Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
