Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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