I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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