You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
