I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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