I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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