I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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