her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
