your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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