I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
