I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My life is pants optional.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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