She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
