I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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