yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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