im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
