Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
