You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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