worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
