i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
