Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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