you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
