i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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