took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
