the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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