Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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