I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
