toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
