Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
