oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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