I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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