You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
