Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
