Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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