There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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