I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
