I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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