i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
