..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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