He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
