I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
