when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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