No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
