There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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