allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
