Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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