Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
