So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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