There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
