i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
