The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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