I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
