My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
