That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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