hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
