He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
