do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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