He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
