It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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