A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
