Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
