I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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