just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
zippers are such a cool invention
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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