I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
