Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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