pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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