apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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