Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
