i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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