I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
