The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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