I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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