Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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