cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm really busy with my period
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