So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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