He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
