question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
