You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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