everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
