My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
