Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
