evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
